I recently learned that I was going to be a father. I, a man who
not long ago had no woman, no money, no dog, and certainly no business
being a married man whose wife is expecting. It is not my intention
to impart to you the rush of emotions, thoughts, fears and hopes
I have experienced since hearing the news. Rather I simply want
to say after all I’ve been through in the last weeks that
I “don’t think twice, it’s alright.”
As recent as two years ago, my life was pretty much consumed with
bong hits and beer (if I was guilty then, I am guilty now). I had
no direction and becoming a family man was the last thing on my
mind. I valued my independence and individuality above all else.
Even now I hold those principles incredibly close to my heart as
they compose the foundation of my existence. I was quite content
to live a life that was based more on theory than reality—to
think and aspire more than accomplish. Looking back, I believe that
I was more fearful of the future then than I am now.
I only know one thing in this world for sure—that change is
an inevitable consequence of life.
Needless to say, a lot has changed in the last two years. This
is more than a change in geography or career; to say the least this
is the forever kind of change. What my wife and I have done, albeit
a surprise, is create. Nine months away from greeting this child
into this world, I have achieved my greatest accomplishment.
To be completely fair, I freaked out when we first heard. I’m
certain that is not an uncommon reaction. Even now it can be surreal
at times. Instead of romancing a trip to Jazzfest or taking week
long backpacking trips, I am now faced with concerns of life insurance,
runny noses, school districts, etc. But it is not as intimidating
as I originally thought. In fact, it's pretty damn good. Perhaps
my biggest obstacle to overcome was to realize that my life is not
going to be different—it’s just going to change.
What has been of great benefit to my situation is to have an amazing
wife, family, and equally as important, a network of friends who
have always been there for me and undoubtedly will be there again.
When we went to see the first ultrasound and we witnessed our baby’s
beating heart, the world became sound again. This hectic period
of actualizing the reality that is now my life, ceased.
I, like many of us have turned to music to guide me when losing
my way, and once again it came through when I needed it most. Perhaps
one of the greatest modern American poets, Bob Dylan, wrote many
lines, which I am sure touched many people in many different capacities.
For me the thought to “don’t think twice, it’s
alright” is the best way I can express the most astonishing
time in my life. I used to think that once family was entered into
my life that it ended in a sense. Instead it has only begun.
By the way I have a dog, but still no money.