Upon meeting
her, he convinced himself that she was “the one.” Overdoses
of flowers and coy talk, cute names opening every email, excessive
inflections and overly sincere allusions to love without actually
using the word. Even though in fact he was sincere, the means of
conveying those feelings and thoughts are probably understood about
100 years down the line.
By then, you can clearly navigate through any occasion of lust,
love, attraction, or liking that comes your way. At 100 years, you
can walk up to any lady who strikes your fancy and kiss her mouth
as if she’s been your wife for 80 of them and she will accept
you because you’ve learned how to act, how to react, and most
importantly, construe what your true feelings are and shed all that
is confusion. You will possess the ability to separate heart from
head and learn how to make them work together as partners on the
same team instead of trying to conquer the body in which they both
reside.
At 100 you can smile at her from across the room and know exactly
how long to maintain eye contact before looking away so that you
can obtain that perfect amount of intrigue before coming off as
sketchy. You will know just how to leave your lover at the door—precisely
how long your kiss should last and whether or not you should look
back as you go. And you will definitely know unquestionably when
you should and should not call her during the awkward initial phases
of the relationship. You will somehow know what she is thinking
at all times and know the perfect words to say in any situation.
Say she’s looking sad. Well, you will possess the knowledge
that she’s not sad at all—she has a slight allergy to
your sweater and she is tearing as a result. You will know at that
very second not to tell her how you can’t get it up any more,
assuming like an ass that must be the reason that she is feeling
low, and instead offer to change your sweater. She will grin in
amazement to your intuitive nature and marry you on the spot.
At 100, dating will last five minutes. There are certain things
that must first be established. What is your name? What is you number?
Where do you live? Do you like strawberry or grape jam? Do you mind
that I have some back hair? Do you mind that I was born last century…?
This all takes about five minutes. At 100, you will have derived
the absolutely ideal words to recite that will make her melt in
your hands. You will have been through so many different situations
that you will be able to adapt yourself so that no matter what combination
of words she retorts, you’ll be able to turn them into gold
and hand them back to her as a ring for her finger. Love will be
yours and the two of you will rejoice in joyous harmony… to
live the last five minutes of your life.
After all, at 100 you don’t have much longer to go. But in
that five minutes you will realize that it was all worth it to have
bested love in a mortal battle and for once, come out on top as
the victor, never to loose again. It’s all coming up at 100.
Seventy some odd years to go.
However, how much fun would life be if dating lasted all of five
minutes? The mistakes are what make it interesting, albeit confusing
at times. In these years, it’s a return to fumbling for the
right sentence and using the wrong one. To making the one whom you
desire uncomfortable every chance you get. To making a bad call
and showing your true emotions at all the inopportune situations.
To saying the incorrect thing at the worst possible moment even
though you meant it to be the best.
Here’s to going into the game with a loosing team but taking
it to the playoffs. Here’s to admitting your shortcomings
and telling them to fuck off. Here’s to winning anyway. Here’s
to leaving all of your doubts at the office; and regardless of all
that you fear and feel reserved about, you can, and will, still
win. Here’s to victory before it happens.
Here’s to falling into your baby’s arms and not thinking
that there may be something the matter or that she’s contemplating
that what you said last week at her place, during the movie, was
unorthodox. Here’s to believing at all times that she loves
you until proven guilty. So long as you’re still together,
there’s time to work out the bullshit. None of us are 100
so why pretend like we are.
We are fallible to fullest extent. We are born to fuck up and
fail. It is in our nature. Rejoice in that fact. Run through the
sunshine and trip on a log. Jump up and down and twist your ankle.
Shout for joy and loose your voice. Write a love letter and misspell
your partner’s name. Laugh so hard you get the hiccups. “Life
ain’t easy,” is putting it lightly. Rather than being
mad that you haven’t found perfection yet, celebrate the fact
that you recently shared a meaningful kiss or spent the night in
the company of someone who smiled sincerely in your eyes as they
embraced you. Maybe you had 6 bad days last week but at lunch on
Monday the woman at the gas station gave you $10 too much in change.
Dwell on that $10 to get you through and maybe next week you’ll
have 6 good days and a lone shitty one. And if there is someone
in your life, so long as there is some positive to be gained from
that union, extract all that you can. Find the one thing that makes
you smile when you think of them and whittle away at the parts that
don’t until you’re left with a work of beauty. One that
shines to you and only you. One that is so compatible that you might
occasionally confuse them with your left leg.
And if you can’t, well than fuck ‘em. Don’t
weigh yourself down on their behalf. Love is not a one-way street.
You must feel from your mate that which you give to them. As John
Lennon and Paul McCartney said, “And in the end/ the love
you take/ is equal to the love you make.”
Unfortunately for us, this all takes in excess of five minutes.
It takes more like five months, five years, or five decades. The
tough part is to maintain the persistence to push though the bane
to arrive at that place you so desire—to ignore the briars
that brush and cut your arms as you clear your path to the good
life. You will heal in time and your scars will be your evidence.
Your skin will be tougher and dealing with downfalls will be all
the more of ease. You have to look at everything from afar and view
it with glasses tinted in positivity. Filter out the bad parts and
see only what makes you want to get up tomorrow. You are strong.
You are winning because you are living another day in pursuit of
100.
Pete Pidgeon |